We understand that physical wounds take time to he We understand that physical wounds take time to heal, but we tend to not see that’s also the case with emotional ones. 

You can still feel tender in an area even as you’re recovering and getting better at handling similar situations.

As a matter of fact, actually FEELING the hurt can be a significant part of the healing, because it means you’re acknowledging it and not *suppressing* it or *numbing* it.

And you’re probably building or rebuilding a new skill. Ask any person who has had to go thru physical therapy and let them tell you what a b!tch it was — but if they didn’t go thru that part of the recovery, they’d never operate in a healthy way again.

So if you have an emotional reaction to something when you thought you were over it, don’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t mean no progress has been made or that you’re starting over… just like a large, sensitive bruise doesn’t mean you that you never had surgery.

You might even have a *scar* there and that’s okay, too. There are a billion stages to healing ♥️ 

#selflovejourney❤️ #selflovetips #selfloveclub #selfhealing #selfhealingjourney
This kid is remembering, not learning… past life This kid is remembering, not learning… past life sh!t 

#reincarnation #souls #pastlives #pastlife #spiritualreels
I was well aware of my anxiety for a long time, bu I was well aware of my anxiety for a long time, but because I had *high-functioning* depression I didn’t have the “regular” symptoms I associated with the condition — so I didn’t even know I had it. Even when a therapist pointed it out to me, I scoffed.

THEN when I finally acknowledged that’s what was going on, I became a little too attached to the label. It became a sort of excuse to not deal with things.

The truth was that I didn’t want help. Or rather, I *did* want to feel better but it just felt too overwhelming and exhausting to try, to put the effort into it. I didn’t want to do the work because I didn’t have the ENERGY... and since I believe in reincarnation and the afterlife, I knew my soul would be fine (whereas I used to be afraid of d(e)ath) I just wanted to give up on this life. 

I tell you all this because it’s important to know that just because you’ve found yourself on a spiritual path doesn’t mean you’re going to magically be cured of your struggles. It means you have the tools to heal and progress — but tools are useless without a person to operate them.

The problem is you may not have the energy to swing a hammer or even raise a paintbrush. That’s okay. Start smaller, even if it’s something like scrolling Pinterest for interior decorating ideas.

This analogy may be getting a little out of control. What I’m getting at is that even when you don’t feel like applying any of this shit, keep surrounding yourself with good vibes. Read the books, watch the uplifting videos… surround yourself with people and content that spark something in your soul. Don’t give up, even if you need to pause and rest. The inspiration will come. 

#anxietyproblems #selflovetips #selflovejourney❤️ #spiritualreels #spiritualjourney #anxietytips
Here are what expert Carol Bowman has dubbed The F Here are what expert Carol Bowman has dubbed The Four Signs in determining whether your kid is remembering a past life or is just making shit up for fun. It should be noted that a child doesn’t have to exhibit ALL 4 signs for the memories to be valid. It could be any combination…

1. Matter-of-fact tone — It’s not just *what* the child is saying. It’s *how* they say it. It’s not something silly that’s just made up on the spot. It’s factual to them. It is said with the same confidence as telling you what their teacher’s name is or that they’re holding a blue cup of chocolate milk. Oftentimes, the kid’s tone and voice will change a bit - as though they are suddenly much older than their actual years. Like the child who said he was once “betrothed.” Kinda creepy, right?

2. Consistency over time — Think about all those criminal shows that teach us how to catch a person who is lying.  For one thing, when a person tells a lie (or a kid is just making up a story) it’s harder to keep the story straight if they have to tell it more than once. With untruths, you are *creating* something, not *remembering* it. So, yeah, if your kids is repeatedly telling you the same story of something that happened in his “old life” it’s probably a real memory. (This doesn’t mean he won’t possibly ADD to the story if he remembers more later.) 

3. Knowledge beyond experience - The internet is full of videos showcasing child prodigies. While every child who recalls a past life won’t be a 2yo concert pianist, it’s not uncommon for a kid to have shocking knowledge or a skill he didn’t learn from his family. And plenty of these cases existed long before iPads and YouTube.

Corresponding behavior and traits — This one kinda overlaps with the last sign, but it also includes things like phobias, strange food preferences, and mannerisms, etc. This may also show up as physical characteristics like a birthmark that corresponds with a fatal wound in the last life or as a birth defect ((like my son who was literally born with his intestines out of his body and had to be rushed into surgery)). Dr. Ian Stevenson did EXTENSIVE research on this particular category.
#reincarnation #pastlives
If you find yourself doing this a lot, here’s yo If you find yourself doing this a lot, here’s your reminder that your needs and wants are just as important as anyone else’s. Slow down, take a moment, do something wild and crazy and selfish like drink your coffee while it’s still hot 😂

#selfcarefirst #selflovetips #souls #souljourney #anxietyproblems
Pause for a moment. You can tell when you’re bei Pause for a moment. You can tell when you’re being pushed by fear and when you’re being inspired by joy.

If you’re panicking that a project won’t turn out perfectly, if you struggle to hear even minor criticism, if you have a meltdown the moment things don’t go as planned… That means more concerned with the outcome than the process. 

And THAT is a sign that you’ve been conditioned to believe you have to *earn* love…that your worth is determined by your accomplishments.

My darling, sweet soul. That is not true.

You don’t have to *do* anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So if you *do* decide to pursue something, let it be inspired by genuine interest and bliss. It’s hard for us action-based humans to grasp this, but that is the whole point of being here. 

#selfloveclub #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #souls #souljourney #spiritualjourney
Bruh. Being a human is scary sometimes. It’ can Bruh. Being a human is scary sometimes. It’ can be hard not knowing what comes next.
Watching an episode of Modern Family or The Office for the hundredth time is actually a pretty healthy way to deal with those anxious moments.

Meditation has been a  fantastic resource for me (and so is drinking water and getting in a good workout blah blah) but it won’t help you if it’s something you dread, something that feels boring, something that  feels like an obligation… 

BUT did you know that watching a funny show or a comforting movie is its own form of trance and can have similar benefits? You’re allowed to decompress without feeling guilty about it. It doesn’t make you less spiritual to watch Golden Girls. 
It’s actually a great way to raise your vibration ✨ 

#souljourney #spiritualreels #raiseyourvibration #selflovetips #anxietyproblems #anxietytips
This, of course, is not a comprehensive list. It’s not even a full list of all the books on the subject that I or have read. The point being there is *so* much valid material out there on reincarnation, past lives, souls, the afterlife, etc.

You can see a good list of books I recommend on my website (l i n k in b i o) or message/comment if you want to send you the l!nk. 

Feeling overwhelmed? Here are a few of my personal favorites to start with:

Life Before Life by Jim B Tucker, MD

Old Souls by Tom Shroder

Children Who Remember Previous Lives by Dr. Ian Stevenson

Between Death and Life by Dolores Cannon

The Children that Time Forgot by Peter & Mary Harrison 

#reincarnation #souls #souljourney #pastlives #spiritualreels
The real question is does the plant *like* to be t The real question is does the plant *like* to be touched..? Does it feel like affection… or like being tickled… or is this poor plant cringing… Is it recoiling from me?? I need answers 😅😅
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Jenn Scott Pickett

Learning self love. Overcoming anxiety and perfectionism.

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Motherhood, Overcoming Perfectionism, Self Love · March 11, 2022

The Real Reason You Complain || Emotional Guidance Scale

The Emotional Guidance Scale is there to help you, so don't beat yourself up when you have negative emotion. Just pay attention to it!

This article was originally written and published on Medium on August 21, 2021.

This post may contain affiliate links. At no extra cost to you, I'd receive a commission if you purchase through my link. Please read full disclosure here.

emotional guidance scale and the real reason you complain

The Emotional Guidance Scale and complaining || Photo from Unsplash/ Anthony Tran

The following post is something I wrote after having an epiphany about the purpose of complaining, before I really even knew what the emotional guidance scale was. I've learned a lot more since then, and I better understand the value of positive emotion, but I think this story is a great example of not beating yourself up over negative emotion. Hopefully it will help you, too!

My Habit of Complaining

Not too long ago, I was lying in bed with my husband and decompressing from the day. And by that, I mean that as I complained about how hard it is being a stay-at-home-mom while also trying to actively write and also trying to run a small side hustle, our 2-year-old was jumping on the bed between us and throwing stuffed animals at my face.

(And let's be real, being a SAHM is hard enough even without the writing and side hustle goals.)

My husband looked at me with an exasperated sigh. This was not the first time we’d had this conversation. Honestly, it had sort’ve become a ritual for me. As soon as he walked into the house I felt the need to word vomit. And since my life kinda looks the same every day, I generally said the same things over and over again.

The kids won’t stop fighting with each other. It’s hard to keep the house clean with so many people making messes. Our toddler is too clingy. I am so tired of being touched. Why do they have to be so loud? How am I supposed to run a business when I can’t even hear myself think? I don’t feel like making dinner again… and so on.

His response shocked me.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” my husband said. "It feels like you just want permission to be overwhelmed."

I felt struck. I dropped my head against the pillow, my skin burning as though I’d been slapped across the face. Have you ever been that startled by the truth?

He hadn’t said anything intentionally hurtful or wrong. He was just being extremely honest at a time when I was not prepared for it. And then it hit me. (Pun not intended.)

That was exactly why I was complaining. I wanted permission to be overwhelmed. I wanted someone to look at all the evidence I had presented and tell me it was okay that I couldn’t handle it all, that I wasn’t a failure, because handling it all was an unreasonable request.

At first this epiphany made me feel ashamed and weak. I wondered, when did I become this person who complained all the time?

The Emotional Guidance Scale is there to help.

I have always been a driven person, a person who took immense pride in being an overachiever. I was the girl who worked two jobs in high school while also taking early college classes and graduating as the valedictorian of my class. I was the person who got shit done, not the person who sat around whining about how hard it all was.

And that’s when I realized my new compulsion to complain was not some evil thing, not some terrible part of me I should be ashamed about. That part of me was motivated from a place of compassion.

The Complainer was saying IT’S TOO MUCH. It’s too much and I’ll keep pointing out why it’s too much over and over and over until you grasp that fact, until you give yourself PERMISSION to not keep trying to do it all. I will keep going until you finally hear yourself and change something.

I've heard Abraham Hicks say several times that your Inner Being doesn't always sound like angels and harps playing. Sometimes it sounds like revenge, if that's the next step on the emotional guidance scale. 

The Complainer refused to suffer in silence.

Before I was a complainer, I was a person who kept her uncomfortable feelings buried deep inside. When they piled up too much and began to fester, I would physically cut myself to relieve the pressure. Using a small razor, one little mark at a time, I would let the ugly feelings ooze out just a bit, and then I would seal the wound and go back to pretending I wasn’t walking around with the sludge of unresolved issues rotting away at my insides.

I lived like that for years until the Complainer said, Enough.

The Complainer was brave enough to talk about my fears and frustrations instead of trying to ignore them with the false hope they’d go away on their own. The Complainer was willing to admit I was doing too much, which is a pretty big deal for a recovering perfectionist.

The Complainer loves me.

It's just a symptom.

This realization doesn’t mean that I intend to do nothing but bitch about my problems from now on or that I’m destined to lead a life drenched in negativity. On the contrary, I see the purpose of the Complainer and have to allow it to do its job — get my attention — so I can live in a much lighter, happier atmosphere.

I’m a believer in positive affirmations and the power of words and gratitude and all that, so in the past I was quick to be disappointed in myself for complaining. Now I understand that the complaining was just a symptom, not the actual problem, in the same way that pain in your foot is a symptom of a piece of glass being stuck in it, whereas the glass is the actual problem.

You can get mad at the pain, but the pain is there to help. The pain sends you a message that something’s wrong. Otherwise you may never look at the bottom of your foot and you’ll bleed to death.

(Shout out to the middle school teacher who taught me that important concept.)

I realize this may seem like an obvious concept. Of course complaining means something is wrong. Duh. You don’t complain when you’re happy.

Why are you venting?

My point is that the next time you find yourself in the midst of venting, pay attention to what you’re really saying, especially if you find yourself saying it a lot. Don’t beat yourself up for being a negative person. Instead, show yourself some compassion and figure out what you actually need.

Maybe it’s time to lower your standards in certain areas or do some reprioritizing. Or maybe you just need a little encouragement. Hey you, what you’re doing is hard, but you’re doing it and I’m proud of you. Sometimes you just have to be your own empathetic witness.

Think of this the next time someone is complaining to you, too. Chances are, they’re not looking for a solution. They just want someone to give them permission to feel overwhelmed …or sad or scared or angry. Maybe they’re a Negative Nelly — or maybe they just want permission to let go of or change something.

Use the Emotional Guidance Scale to keep moving up.

It’s unfortunate that some people get trapped at the complaining stage, when it’s a really meant to be a stepping stone to the next stage, not a place you’re supposed to dwell forever. Gratitude is a fantastic antidote to complaining, and I highly recommend it, but so is self-compassion. If you want to experience growth, you can’t suppress the negative feelings and just layer them with positivity. You have to deal with and purge out the icky stuff. (Shadow work, anybody?)

Remember, the real reason you complain is because you love yourself enough to know you deserve better. That’s a good thing. The question is will you move to the next step of giving yourself what you deserve?

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In: Motherhood, Overcoming Perfectionism, Self Love · Tagged: complaining, emotional guidance scale, self compassion

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We understand that physical wounds take time to he We understand that physical wounds take time to heal, but we tend to not see that’s also the case with emotional ones. 

You can still feel tender in an area even as you’re recovering and getting better at handling similar situations.

As a matter of fact, actually FEELING the hurt can be a significant part of the healing, because it means you’re acknowledging it and not *suppressing* it or *numbing* it.

And you’re probably building or rebuilding a new skill. Ask any person who has had to go thru physical therapy and let them tell you what a b!tch it was — but if they didn’t go thru that part of the recovery, they’d never operate in a healthy way again.

So if you have an emotional reaction to something when you thought you were over it, don’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t mean no progress has been made or that you’re starting over… just like a large, sensitive bruise doesn’t mean you that you never had surgery.

You might even have a *scar* there and that’s okay, too. There are a billion stages to healing ♥️ 

#selflovejourney❤️ #selflovetips #selfloveclub #selfhealing #selfhealingjourney
This kid is remembering, not learning… past life This kid is remembering, not learning… past life sh!t 

#reincarnation #souls #pastlives #pastlife #spiritualreels
I was well aware of my anxiety for a long time, bu I was well aware of my anxiety for a long time, but because I had *high-functioning* depression I didn’t have the “regular” symptoms I associated with the condition — so I didn’t even know I had it. Even when a therapist pointed it out to me, I scoffed.

THEN when I finally acknowledged that’s what was going on, I became a little too attached to the label. It became a sort of excuse to not deal with things.

The truth was that I didn’t want help. Or rather, I *did* want to feel better but it just felt too overwhelming and exhausting to try, to put the effort into it. I didn’t want to do the work because I didn’t have the ENERGY... and since I believe in reincarnation and the afterlife, I knew my soul would be fine (whereas I used to be afraid of d(e)ath) I just wanted to give up on this life. 

I tell you all this because it’s important to know that just because you’ve found yourself on a spiritual path doesn’t mean you’re going to magically be cured of your struggles. It means you have the tools to heal and progress — but tools are useless without a person to operate them.

The problem is you may not have the energy to swing a hammer or even raise a paintbrush. That’s okay. Start smaller, even if it’s something like scrolling Pinterest for interior decorating ideas.

This analogy may be getting a little out of control. What I’m getting at is that even when you don’t feel like applying any of this shit, keep surrounding yourself with good vibes. Read the books, watch the uplifting videos… surround yourself with people and content that spark something in your soul. Don’t give up, even if you need to pause and rest. The inspiration will come. 

#anxietyproblems #selflovetips #selflovejourney❤️ #spiritualreels #spiritualjourney #anxietytips
Here are what expert Carol Bowman has dubbed The F Here are what expert Carol Bowman has dubbed The Four Signs in determining whether your kid is remembering a past life or is just making shit up for fun. It should be noted that a child doesn’t have to exhibit ALL 4 signs for the memories to be valid. It could be any combination…

1. Matter-of-fact tone — It’s not just *what* the child is saying. It’s *how* they say it. It’s not something silly that’s just made up on the spot. It’s factual to them. It is said with the same confidence as telling you what their teacher’s name is or that they’re holding a blue cup of chocolate milk. Oftentimes, the kid’s tone and voice will change a bit - as though they are suddenly much older than their actual years. Like the child who said he was once “betrothed.” Kinda creepy, right?

2. Consistency over time — Think about all those criminal shows that teach us how to catch a person who is lying.  For one thing, when a person tells a lie (or a kid is just making up a story) it’s harder to keep the story straight if they have to tell it more than once. With untruths, you are *creating* something, not *remembering* it. So, yeah, if your kids is repeatedly telling you the same story of something that happened in his “old life” it’s probably a real memory. (This doesn’t mean he won’t possibly ADD to the story if he remembers more later.) 

3. Knowledge beyond experience - The internet is full of videos showcasing child prodigies. While every child who recalls a past life won’t be a 2yo concert pianist, it’s not uncommon for a kid to have shocking knowledge or a skill he didn’t learn from his family. And plenty of these cases existed long before iPads and YouTube.

Corresponding behavior and traits — This one kinda overlaps with the last sign, but it also includes things like phobias, strange food preferences, and mannerisms, etc. This may also show up as physical characteristics like a birthmark that corresponds with a fatal wound in the last life or as a birth defect ((like my son who was literally born with his intestines out of his body and had to be rushed into surgery)). Dr. Ian Stevenson did EXTENSIVE research on this particular category.
#reincarnation #pastlives
If you find yourself doing this a lot, here’s yo If you find yourself doing this a lot, here’s your reminder that your needs and wants are just as important as anyone else’s. Slow down, take a moment, do something wild and crazy and selfish like drink your coffee while it’s still hot 😂

#selfcarefirst #selflovetips #souls #souljourney #anxietyproblems
Pause for a moment. You can tell when you’re bei Pause for a moment. You can tell when you’re being pushed by fear and when you’re being inspired by joy.

If you’re panicking that a project won’t turn out perfectly, if you struggle to hear even minor criticism, if you have a meltdown the moment things don’t go as planned… That means more concerned with the outcome than the process. 

And THAT is a sign that you’ve been conditioned to believe you have to *earn* love…that your worth is determined by your accomplishments.

My darling, sweet soul. That is not true.

You don’t have to *do* anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

So if you *do* decide to pursue something, let it be inspired by genuine interest and bliss. It’s hard for us action-based humans to grasp this, but that is the whole point of being here. 

#selfloveclub #recoveringperfectionist #recoveringpeoplepleaser #souls #souljourney #spiritualjourney
Bruh. Being a human is scary sometimes. It’ can Bruh. Being a human is scary sometimes. It’ can be hard not knowing what comes next.
Watching an episode of Modern Family or The Office for the hundredth time is actually a pretty healthy way to deal with those anxious moments.

Meditation has been a  fantastic resource for me (and so is drinking water and getting in a good workout blah blah) but it won’t help you if it’s something you dread, something that feels boring, something that  feels like an obligation… 

BUT did you know that watching a funny show or a comforting movie is its own form of trance and can have similar benefits? You’re allowed to decompress without feeling guilty about it. It doesn’t make you less spiritual to watch Golden Girls. 
It’s actually a great way to raise your vibration ✨ 

#souljourney #spiritualreels #raiseyourvibration #selflovetips #anxietyproblems #anxietytips
This, of course, is not a comprehensive list. It’s not even a full list of all the books on the subject that I or have read. The point being there is *so* much valid material out there on reincarnation, past lives, souls, the afterlife, etc.

You can see a good list of books I recommend on my website (l i n k in b i o) or message/comment if you want to send you the l!nk. 

Feeling overwhelmed? Here are a few of my personal favorites to start with:

Life Before Life by Jim B Tucker, MD

Old Souls by Tom Shroder

Children Who Remember Previous Lives by Dr. Ian Stevenson

Between Death and Life by Dolores Cannon

The Children that Time Forgot by Peter & Mary Harrison 

#reincarnation #souls #souljourney #pastlives #spiritualreels
The real question is does the plant *like* to be t The real question is does the plant *like* to be touched..? Does it feel like affection… or like being tickled… or is this poor plant cringing… Is it recoiling from me?? I need answers 😅😅
Honestly, what the f*ck were we thinking? 😅 #r Honestly, what the f*ck were we thinking? 😅

#reincarnation #souljourney #pastlife #souls #dolorescannon

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